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But you Don't look sick: Fibromyalgia Awareness Day 12 May 2018

Hello my lovelies,

Today I wear purple and stand with my fellow warriors for Fibromyalgia Awareness Day.

I have lived the whole of my adult life with chronic pain and fatigue. I have heard all of the judgements and felt the shame. People telling me I should just get on with it, or I am too fat or It can't be that bad, or I don't know what real tiredness is.

Getting diagnosed with fibromyalgia was such a hard time for me. I thought once I knew what was wrong with me I would feel better, but I didn't I felt empty. I had a condition that had no real medical support. People around us don't know enough about it because the medical profession don't know enough about it. People think that I just have a sore back. They don't know how much more there is to having Fibromyalgia.

I never could have imagined my life being the way it is. Living everyday with pain all over my body is hard enough to cope with on its own, but when you add that to the sheer debilitating fatigue and brain disfunction every day and it makes things very difficult.
There are times in my day that I physically cannot keep my eyes open, and it nearly hurts to try and stay awake. I have had the awful experience of falling asleep doing someones nails twice, during flare ups.
 My brain just doesn't work the same as it used to. I am so forgetful and it really frustrates me. I cannot help it but it really angers me when my brain just forgets things. I also have concentration issues, it is so hard for me to focus one what I am doing, especially if there is other noises around. For example doing a clients nails, if I am trying to hold a conversation with them and the other beautician is talking to their client it gets really hard for me to focus on what I am talking about. I find I stop halfway through sentences. During writing this post, I am in front of a window at the salon and its so distracting hearing what is going on. I often zone in on something like the tv or my phone and if someone speaks to me I don't hear them. My poor husband gets so frustrated sometimes because he is trying to show me stuff, but I cannot help it. My brain just doesn't function fully.

You would think that this would be enough for me to be dealing with, But these things are just part of it. There is so much more to it than this, some more of the common symptoms we have are:

Numbness and Tingling, my limbs often go numb and get pins and needles for seemingly no reason.

Bladder problems. Feeling the urge to pee even after just going, not always making it to the bathroom.

Body stiffening: my body stiffens if I sit or lie in one position for any length of time.

Exercise: My body cannot take the trauma, I have tried so many different things but the aftermath just wrecks me!

Tenderness: The gentlest of touches can leave you feeling bruised, hugs can nearly cripple you.

Headaches, Jaw and Facial pain: chewing can literally be a chore sometimes because your jaw is sore and tired.

Sleep Disturbance: You would think that fatigue is bad enough, but so many of us suffer with sleep disturbances. I have a habit of sleeping only a couple of hours and being wide awake the rest of the night.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome: Suffering with stomach issues is something a lot of us go through, it may be a side effect of the medication or it may have been there even before medication, but I have suffered with ulcers, gastritis and other horrendous issues with my stomach as do so many of us.

Depression and/or anxiety: I go through times where I am crippled with anxiety, just having conversations with people can have me shaking, my heart racing and feeling ill. Even if it isn't a really big deal my anxiety just causes it to feel worse. I have had to cancel going to parties and other social gatherings because I have got to a very bad state over it. Depression is also something else that can come with it, because lets face it how many people could suffer with this and not get depressed??

I wanted to set up my blog because I wanted people to see what it is like, even just a small window in to the life of a chronic ill person. So that when someone around you needs your support you can understand them a little more and for those who are sufferers like me so that you know you are not alone, because I have never felt more alone than since I 'got sick'. I have spent so much time crying over my existence and I don't want others to feel as lonely as I do. Don't get me wrong I would be lost without my husband, he has been with me through everything, without him I wouldn't be here.

I wish my life was different, but this is me, I am Lyndsey, I am a wife, a mother to furbabies, a beautician and a Chronic Illness survivor!! Every day that I get up and go to work I am surviving I am battling. I may not win every battle but I am winning the war!!

I would love for more people to understand or even accept that this is who I am, my life comes with Fibromyalgia, Tachycardia, Hypothyroidism and Arthritis, but I am still human. I would love to be able to get out and about more, to be able to see my friends more often and do all the things I used to be able to do, but I have to accept my limits and enjoy what I can do.

Today and everyday I stand with my fellow warriors as we battle through this life we didn't ask for!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Please leave me a comment to let me know are you a sufferer or do you know someone who is.

Gentle hugs from me to you,

Lyndsey xxxx


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