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Living with Chronic Pain: My Positive Story!

I saw a post on a facebook group recently. It just said, Does no one have a positive story about their Fibro. It stopped me in my tracks. We always hear the bad and how awful living with Chronic Pain is, and don’t get me wrong the life I live is not what I ever expected to live, but I am so blessed to be able to stand up and say me I am a positive story!!

Nearly 7 years ago my life hit rock bottom. My body had had enough. I was working in a nursing home and absolutely loved my job. My body was not loving it though. After months of being in more pain than usual I went to the doctor expecting him to give me a sick line for a few weeks and after a rest I wholeheartedly believed that I would be back at work in about a month. That was not to be. I went from bad to worse while we tried to find suitable medication. The doctor took me off the pain relief I had been on while we tried something else, the problem was we then realised the full extent of the pain my body was actually in. We didn’t realise just how bad it was because the pain relief had been masking a fair amount of the pain. During this period of trialling different options I ended up being bedridden. My fatigue was so bad that I couldn’t even complete a sentence without falling asleep. I wish I had kept some of the random messages I have sent to people during this time because they were funny to try and translate. Of course I can laugh now but at the time it was not funny, being unable to function and feeling like my brain was just a foggy mess.

So anyway this went on for months on end. My husband helping to wash and dress me. My father in law taking me to doctors appointments, waiting while I had physio at hospitals. I finally got diagnosed with ‘fibromyalgia’, I say it like that, well if you haven’t read my post about fibro you really should. 

I tried Morphine, Tramadol, Codeine, nerve blockers, anti depressants you name it I tried it. Some of them made me even more zombie like than I already was. I fought so hard and was at my doctors crying nearly every week. I just wanted help, I was treated like a drug addict, when all I wanted was to not have to take pain relief at all. 

I remember one day sitting on the floor in my living room with my tramadol in front of me, and all I could think was if I took all of these pain killers my pain would be gone. I wouldn’t be a burden, the suffering would be over. I was so dark. I was so broken. I just couldn’t cope. I was done. The one thing that kept me going was having lost people in my life before and the heartache that it caused. It stopped me from putting my loved ones through that. I just focused on my husband and how I would ruin his life if I took my own.

I wont fully go in to the depression side of it in this, perhaps I will discuss it more in another post, for now the real point of this post is about how it all came around. 

Around this time my father in law was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, the man who had been my rock. He was amazing. This man was in his 70’s he still worked part time and never sat still. He was a huge inspiration to me, watching him get up and keep going and doing things while he was getting treatment for a cancer that he knew would take him. Before he was diagnosed he’d had an accident in work and had hurt his leg so wasn’t able to walk so much, so I had started walking his dog for him. That was when we really got closer. I went from calling him by his first name to calling him dad. We were so close. I loved him like a second dad. He was always such an inspiration and listened as I complained about how I hated not working and felt like I was on the scrap heap. My own dad has brought us up with this hard working ethic. I had worked from I was 13 and could not get my head around the fact I was now on sick benefits and not working. My dad worked his ass off all his life to provide for us and that passed on to all of us, so I felt like a failure that I was not working and not contributing to my marriage. So my father in law asked so what do you want to do. So I told him how ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be in beauty, but I didn’t want to do hair and when I was younger there was not as many salons around and people didn’t really go to get their nails and stuff done unless they were rich. Now of course that is different, so he said well then do it now. It is never too late to change what you want to do even just as a hobby. 

When I started to do my beauty courses I went with a school that offered part time courses. It was really good for me because I did it one day a week and it meant that I had time in between to rest and look after myself. I was terrified though, being with people I didn’t know was not something I found easy anymore. My confidence was gone but the tutor was great, she was so patient and it was a small class so I didn’t feel overwhelmed.

I was walking the dog everyday and gradually I was starting to be able to walk further and for longer periods. I could feel myself loosening up and starting to feel a little more human. It didn’t happen overnight, but I could see the difference. I was still using my walking stick and still had to take it easy because overdoing it would leave me in bed for days.

I had also been doing my youtube videos for nearly a year and found that having something to focus on and work on was really good for me. I was loving having this outlet. I was talking about beauty and health and all things in between. I didn’t have a massive following but those who did watch me always made me feel good about what I was doing. I feel that between my encouragement from my family and my youtube channel it really helped me start to move out of my comfort zone and start to push myself to do more things. 

After doing my nail courses I started doing some clients from home and I was really loving it. I had truly found my passion. I loved my Youtube and my Nails. Little did I know that over the next 4 years I would go from my tiny set up to actually having my own salon. I have done so much more training over the years and I am continually adding more to it. I am so happy with the transformation my life has had. 

I may not be able to bounce out of bed in the morning and just go but I can get out of bed with no help from anyone else. I am still in pain everyday. I take medication to help it, it doesn’t fully take it away but it is enough to take the edge of and allows me to function. My hubby and I have even managed to get back to florida twice and are planning our next trip. 

I don’t have the most exciting life, but when I get up in the morning and get dressed to go work in my salon, and sit down to write in my blog I feel a sense of achievement. I didn’t give up. I fought for my life and I am happy. My husband and I are stronger in our marriage than ever before. I may not be everyones life goal, but I am definitely a positive story! My life has gone from being a dark dreary existence to a life worth living.

I know everyones story is different and not everyone will have the experience that I have but I am that positive story that everyone hopes to read. There can be light at the end of the tunnel. You can have a better life. It may never be perfect but it is worth fighting for. Right now I am in agony and exhausted. I am looking forward to finishing and having a rest for few days but I am happy and that is something I never thought I would be again. I don't know what my future has in store but I am enjoying my life as much as I can now while the good days are there.

I hope so many more people can share their positive stories with us all, so that we can all see some inspiration and positivity in the difficult times. 

Thank you so much for reading, please take a second to subscribe and don’t forget to check out my Instagram. I upload daily everything from beauty to health stuff. Something for everyone. 

Take care and be good to you.

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